Letter From My Son and What Really Matters

Today I received this letter hand written by 20 year old son who just graduated from University. Yes, I am very proud, but as a parent I know that I have many short comings. But this letter shows me grace. God's grace. He has taken my shortcomings and turn them into what my son is now, a young man full of grace, kindness towards others and love for God. Yes, he has many of my strengths. He also has many of my weaknesses but God will also use them to shape him and make him the man He wants him to be. But I am still amazed as to how a tiny little being that I held and laid on my chest (he tried today and said, "I don't fit like Leah..." And I said, "You forgot you grew up.") is now a man. I marvel at this!

In the end, what really matters is the legacy we passed on to them. Mom's letter is forthcoming.

Dear Daddy,

I have been meaning to write this letter to you for a while but it seemed it always to pass me by. I wanted to thank you for all that you have taught me and provided me with, and recognize how you have shaped the man that I am today since it is so easy for me to be critical. Often things go unsaid between us and on the occasion of my graduation, I wanted to honor you and revere you as my Father, as God has commanded me to (Deut. 5:16). Most Dads teach their sons to play catch or to throw a football. You didn’t teach me either. But I don’t think I missed out on anything because what I have gained from you is far more valuable. I know that you didn’t have a father growing up and to be honest, I can’t blame all of your faults on you. It wasn’t fair that he wasn’t around – in fact, it was cowardly of him. But I praise God that he predestined you to be different, to be conformed to the image of his son, a Godly man (Eph. 1:5). As a kid, you were always my hero. I wanted to be like you in absolutely everything - that was the reason why I always wanted to be a teacher! I still look up to you for everything. From a young age, you taught me to think. I was reading before kindergarten and you taught me to love learning. I powered through all kinds of books and I excelled at all subjects. Even more, you always challenged me to think carefully and deeply.You gave me difficult tasks and expected me to figure them out.We debated and discussed politics and the church. I can’t tell you how much this has set me apart from my peers - I am able to be critical and analytical, work efficiently and quickly, to be quick on my feet. None of this is my own doing, but a result of the work you have poured into me.I could never forget where my parents came from. As the son of two immigrants, I could never forsake the values that you taught me. You came from nothing, from wandering in the field in hand-me-downs and thrift tees to working your way through learning English. And even when you knew English, you suffered through poverty and worked your way through college to provide all I could ever need. You’ve taught me the value of hard work, through your blood, sweat, and tears. You pour yourself completely into everything you do, whether teaching, studying, running, or even yard work. I have learned this from you – all the work I do, whether cleaning the house or writing a paper, I cannot give anything other than my best. You taught me to be content with less. I’ve never needed more than what you provided for me. I’m passionate like my father, sometimes even hotheaded (or “intense” as Alex likes to say). I learned to love to sing from you, even when I’m off-key. I tuck in my shirt when I go to church because you always told me to when I was younger. And though I sometimes have difficultly speaking it, I am forever grateful that you taught me Spanish. More importantly, you taught me the value of family. Week in and week out, it was a point to visit my Abuelitas. I spent weekends in with my parents instead of at the movies or at the beach with my friends. Although at the time it seemed unfair and oftentimes boring, I couldn’t be more thankful. I don’t know anyone who is as close to their family as we are. And I know it seems funny, being that I chose to go to school 2600 miles from you, but I can’t imagine being anywhere but close to you when I raise my family (Lord-willing). My kids will also know that family is most important because God has declared it so (Exodus 20:12). In you, I have my father, but I also have my most dependable friend. Although I could never treat you as such, you were the brother I never had growing up. But knowing how to think, to honor family, to work hard, it would all be for naught without the Gospel. But praise be to God that you raised me in the instruction and discipline of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4)! I learned to fear God and keep his commandments from an early age. My fear of your punishment and rebuke (and maybe the belt) extended to a fear of God. The Father has used you to teach me right from wrong, to teach me both of my sin and imperfection, but his steadfast love and faithfulness, demonstrated most fully at the cross. “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses,made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved!” (Eph. 2:4-5) And although I was not disciplined in prayer and scripture reading, you were. You have always been disciplined. But I think this was God’s plan, to teach me his discipline in the way his hand would be most evident. Had I learned it while at home, the power of his sanctifying Spirit would not have been made so evident. I love God’s discipline because you were quick to discipline me. I love his Word, and I love the way he reveals himself. I love that God does not change and in fact, his steadfast love is for me. My desire is to be holy before him, and to grow more and more like him each day (2 Cor. 4:16). You have never been a perfect dad, but I don’t expect you to be.That is sin at work in our world. But you have been my father from my birth. You spoke to me in my mother’s womb and held me from my first days. You are an honorable man and a beautiful example of a loving husband. You are the father your dad never was, and I am proud to call you my daddy. I could keep writing on and on, but there will always be a chance to tell you more. I am sure that Aaron will grow to be a man of integrity and of character, just like our father. Proverbs rings true – The righteous who walks in integrity, blessed are his children after him (Proverbs 20:7)! I have been thoroughly blessed because of you. My prayer is that I may be a wise son, that I may make a glad father, and bring blessing to you. (Proverbs 10:1). I look forward to the day when our relationship is made perfect in the new kingdom, and we see the Lord our God face to face. Until then, you will always be my dad.

Love,

Misa

Material is copyright by egaldamez. Permission given torepost or reproduced without editing the content.Disclaimer: The contents of all personal web pages and blogs published are solely my responsibility. Statements made and opinions expressed on personal pages are strictly those of the author and not of any organization, church, or school.

 

Material is copyright by egaldamez. Permission given torepost or reproduced without editing the content.Disclaimer: The contents of all personal web pages and blogs published are solely my responsibility. Statements made and opinions expressed on personal pages are strictly those of the author and not of any organization, church, or school.

 

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Growing Up Content And Without the Gadgets

I don't remember much of my childhood. I have faint memories. From these memories I know I was content. I have shared my experience growing up in El Salvador up to the age of 10 with my children and students. Yes, times are different, I get it, but children today have much much more than what I grew up and they are still not satisfied. Some complain of being bored, something I never said, and some are just openly ungrateful.

Am content with my art

I grew up in a rural part of El Salvador, in a one room house made of wooden planks, dirt floor,with no running water, no bathroom (an outhouse) and no modern commodities. I didn't wear fancy clothes or shoes, I wore many hand-me downs, sandals (and my feet got really dirty) and only got new clothes once a year during Christmas or New Year. I don't remember owning any modern toys besides marbles, tops and trading cards. I got to see plastic soldiers that my brother brought from his home (he lived with grandma) but I never owned any. I loved exploring nature, herding cows, showering in the rivers, climbing mangoes trees, planting corn and going coffee reaping. I experienced getting lost while returning from the river, thank God my mom went to look for me and found me. I almost drowned in the river (I didn't know how to swim) and broke my arm while exploring nature (thanks to my mom who ran with me to the city to the doctor) and ended with a cast. When I came to the United States I experienced a bit of modernity. Yet, I still did not have any modern toys or electronics. I never had my own room (and often competed for the restroom with my sisters and had to go outside instead), didn't have new clothing or shoes except once a year (Payless shoes for $20 lasted a year or more), walked to school for more than 30 minutes every day (didn't have a bicycle or a car- had a car till I married, it was my wife's), my mom never went to any school event or meeting nor celebrated any birthdays and never had a dad.

Enough said. I was still content. I am content now. Complaints were not part of my vocabulary as far as what I had or didn't have. Material things were not priority. We were alive and enjoyed life. My wife had a similar upbringing in Mexico. Both of us instilled contentment and gratefulness to our kids and for the most part, they have learned this (we are teaching this to our two new ones as well). I am blessed beyond what I really deserve (I don't deserve anything).

So why are kids and adults so discontent if they have it all? Contentment is an attitude, a condition of the heart not a store of things, money and gadgets.

Jesus said, "Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions." (Luke 12:15)

 

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Our Son's Graduation, a reprise.

I wrote a poem in April 2010 before he was out of High School, and our son started school August 23. Tomorrow he graduates. But here some thoughts I wrote in August as well. They are still true today.

 

17 years ago and 9 months I saw you for the first time, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve witnessed. I held you in my arms then and seen you grow from a little boy whose hand I held, played with, laughed with, argued with, talked with, spent time with and taught to be a good christian gentleman. I’ve never let you out of my sight since then except for brief times, and I still remember your first day of Kinder. Today is the moment I never thought would come but it has. It is the time when I must leave so you may start a new journey on your own. Even though I will see you again, things will be different than it has been. You will have to make many decisions and remember what is right and wrong. You must take care of yourself without me watching you. Yes, in a sense you are free. Free to make decisions. Free to be anyone you want to. You are not free of responsibility nor of the results of your decisions. But I trust you will make wise choices and be a better man than I am. As I take the role of a coach, I will cheer you, give you tips, yell at you, and encourage you. I will be here anytime you need me. Yet you have the freedom to decide. It’s all up to you now. So go my boy, soar up high this time all on your own! As I watch remember I love you so much! You are always welcome to come back to our nest.

Fleeting Time

Time flees

I'd like to see

Stop for me

I look at you

What you do

You've grown so too

Hold it there!

My little boy is gone

I don't know where!

Please time, stop fleeting!

Let me enjoy

My boy is growing

Too fast, too fast

My heart is beating!

 

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Graduation, The Acts of Releasing and God's Providence

Almost three years ago we made our first trip to Washington DC as our second born took wings to study as far away possible from us. We had encouraged him to stay local but all efforts failed. He opted for a private university in the hub of DC. I remember that weekend and how hesitant I was, how I couldn't believe this was already happening. Four years before when he had finished Jr. High and entered High School I prophetically said that four years would go fast. They did. We were now releasing our 17 year old to the world unknown to him and as much as we had sheltered him, it was now time for him to start being more independent. I had a plan to keep him in check. He had to report via text every time he would leave campus, Skype with us once a week and route all emails to my personal account. Of all, only the last two are still true. For the last one, I used the "As long as I am paying for your school you have let all your emails go through me," but this am afraid will end really soon.

Almost three years ago we landed in DC not knowing what to expect. We took the Metro to our stop at our hotel. I will never forget how I, as a commanding leader, took them walking the wrong way towards the hotel as we were pulling all of our luggage and how mad everyone was because of it. During orientation we got to see his school including the room where he would spend his first semester. It resembled cabins rented for camping trips. Mere white bricks with resemblance of jails made up the four walls. But he was content with his third of the room which he would share with two other inmates. I remember meeting a man who was also dropping off her daughter. By design he was from California living in a city very close to ours and so he nudged us to go and meet her. We all went. There for the first time we met the girl (and so did he) who would "secretly" become my son's girlfriend and become the love of his life.

Then there was the search to find him a church to attend. We had gotten a "referral" to Capitol Hill church in DC so on Sunday we marched to find the church. As novices to the DC area we had a hard time finding it, time passed and the rain came down on us. Wet and exasperated, my wife and son insisted on giving up since the time was now passing and we would miss most of the service. But as their leader, I could not falter in my quest so we kept going. We finally found it and were able to catch the sermon. It was here where we received directions to a brand new church closer to his place of study. It is in this church where he has remained for almost three years. Where his spiritual growth has taken off as two young pastors have mentored him in the faith.

As our 17 year old son became aclimated to the environment we prepared for our departure. For him, it was a new adventure. For us, especially for me, the hardest thing I would do. The night before his departure we gather together to pray and I could stop my tears. It was time to release my second born to a world unknown to him. As hard as it was, I did.

In these three years, he has gone back and forth, from his academic journey. He has traveled ten different countries (my count) as part of his education. God has been faithful in his financial provision for him. When he started his journey, I did not know where the funds would come to pay his loans, but God has provided (and I reminded of the last payment I have to make).

So here we are. We are en route to DC for a second time. This time it is to see him receive hisbaccalaureate. I can't believe we are at this point now.

I wish I could say he is coming back with us. He is not. I guess it is the official release as a young adult into the world of independance. He is on his own. Just like the first steps he took when he was starting to walk, but this time without anyone holding him. So we release him.

 

 

 

The goatee Analogy: We are Never Satisfied

I like to grow my goatee. I like to shave it. So I did yesterday. It is interesting that at home, my wife and

children didn't even notice. Much the same at school with my students. Few did, then they all told each other and complained. They said they preferred me with a goatee. Yet when I was growing it, they disliked it. We do this with people as well. We notice when they appear in our lives or in our territory. Carefully, we analyze them and determine whether we will like them or not. Then we become accustomed to them. But when they disappear from our lives we don't really notice them. And we forget (this happens a lot in churches when people come and leave).

We are never satisfied. This reminded me what Jesus said in Luke 7. When John the Baptist appeared preaching, a man who was quite unique, for neither  drank wine nor ate common food, people called him a demon. When Jesus came, drank and ate, then they called him a drunk and a glutton. And the wisdom of God always proves our foolishness.

The Wounded Healer

I have just started reading a book titled "The Wounded Healer" by Henry Nouwen.  This book's title has always captured by attention so I finally bought it and started to read it.  The introduction asserts that if we (e.g. ministers, pastors) are to serve others, we need to be the "wounded healers."  In other words, as believers we can help others more effectively when we ourselves have experienced pain. Only then can we sympathize, empathize with others and help minister to them along the way.

As I thought of this, I thought of our "Wounded Healer," Christ.  In Isaiah 53:4 it says he was wounded for our transgressions, "bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."  This was no accident. It was God's plan. It is only through his sacrifice that we could be redeemed from sin (Ephesians 2:13). Our High Priest not only suffered but was tempted so that he could sympathize with us (Hebrews 4:15). For us, modern people of the 21st century this concept seems strange. Why such aggression? Why so much pain to save us? Scripture is clear that this is the cost of sin. Sin is cannot merit anything less when measured against God's holiness.But the idea of wounded healer does apply to us. 1 Peter 4:1 says "Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin" (NIV). As Christ followers, we ought to expect suffering and pain. The Apostle Paul said that we must experience much hardship to enter the kingdom of God (Acts 14:22). We participate in Christ's sufferings when we experience this (Philippians 3:10) and ought to consider this a privilege.

In my pilgrimage as a Christian, which now is almost 30 years, I have experienced much wounding. Some has come from other believers, some from those who see me as a threat for being a different (i.e. Christian), some from unexplained circumstances, some from just being human and some from my own sinfulness.  It is in these times when my faith has grown as  I have sought to depend on my Wounded Healer.  Every piercing has become a time to know intimately my wounded Savior.  My scars become his scars. He bestows his grace on me and helps me lean on His everlasting arms (Deuteronomy 33:27)

Yes, all of this is counter culture. Our culture tells us to run away from suffering and pain; to avoid it at all cost.  We often hear good positive sermons to encourage us to imitate Christ in his life but not very often to imitate his suffering and death. Who wants this? But it is only when we become like our Wounded Healer that we are able to experience his power in us (the power of his resurrection according to St. Paul) and we are able to help those in need. This is the paradox of Christianity. It confounds the wise of this world because it does not follow the ways and thoughts of the world. But the ways of the Lord are not our ways, and his thoughts are not our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8).

The Pain of Death in the Death of Christ

Yesterday as I was coming home from the dentist, the pain I had experienced when she cleansed my tooth and caused me to shed a few tears made me realize how little I know pain. I consider myself a wimp when it comes to pain.

Then I was reminded of the pain of death, not my death, but Christ's death. His death was a painful death (see Isaiah 53 below). Painful on so many levels:

Physically he was disfigured from all the beatings he took. Up to the moment of his last breath, he faced death valiantly. This was unjust, but he willingly allowed this (he could have annihilated humanity in a second - see a glimpse here) for our behalf.

Emotionally it was also painful. At the garden, he prayed that he was willing to face death and said, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." (Luke 22:42) Tears fell from his eyes, as if they were tears of blood. He marched to his death for us.

Spiritually, he experienced what none of us will ever or can ever experience. At the moment of death he called out: "Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabachtani" Aramaic words that in our Bible were left transliterated perhaps to show us how painful it was. "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me." What happened here is speculated by many Theologians. But in Jesus's words there was a separation from the Father. Christ, the second person of the Godhead experiencing spiritual separation from God the Father.

We know that the painful death was not the end here. On the third day he rose from the dead. Death could not keep Him. His mission was accomplished.

Why did he willingly suffer so much to the point of death?

So that we can have a relationship with God. "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God." (1 Peter 3:18-NIV)

To take the punishment of our sins, rescue us (from our sins) and give us new life (to live the right way). "For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God." (1 Peter 1:18-21-NIV)

"They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you’re named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls." (1 Peter 2:21-25, The Message)

 

 

Isaiah 53 gives a good description of Christ's pain and suffering:

53 Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed?

2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.

3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.

8 He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.

9 And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

11 He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.

12 Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors - KJV

 

 

Material is copyright by egaldamez. Permission given torepost or reproduced without editing the content.Disclaimer: The contents of all personal web pages and blogs published are solely my responsibility. Statements made and opinions expressed on personal pages are strictly those of the author and not of any organization, church, or school.

 

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No Cinderella Story: A Tribute to Espi my Mother-in-Law

Espi circa 30's

Another woman that I am thankful for, beside my mother and my wife,  is my mother-in-law. She is the mother of the best part of my life, my wife. Much of what I know about her has been shared by her to me or to both my wife and I together. My wife has also shared much of her story. It is an amazing story. It isn't a Cinderella story. It is a story of suffering. Of triumph over difficulties. Of forgiveness.

Esperanza (Espi for short) was born in La Barca, Jalisco, Mexico and grew up in a small town named San Gregorio Michoacán.  I had the privilege of traveling there many years ago and saw the place she grew up, where painful memories where forged upon her. Her father was still alive, a tall gentle man with fair skin, and color eyes who called me "handsome." Espi's mother's died when she was two years old and left a newborn girl. The baby girl died a month later. She also had a brother two years older (he accidentally poisoned himself and died as an adult). Her father Chano married a woman who resembles the evil step-mother of Cinderella, but perhaps she was worse.  Her step-mother was abusive. She treated her with contempt and made her do all the chores. At the very delicate age of seven she was cooking, washing clothes by hand and taking care of the house while her step-mother enjoyed the comforts of life.  On one occasion she burned herself cooking but no one took care of her.  Another time she was chopping squash to feed the hogs and she cut her left thumb which was barely hanging on. She wrapped it with a piece of cloth and continued working. To this day her deformed left thumb is a painful memory of her past. Espi was humiliated, mistreated and had no way out. She didn't go to school and so she grew illiterate not out of her choosing but because her step-mother wanted her to do all the chores.  Her half-sisters and brothers did go to school. Her half sisters and brothers weren't kind to her either.

Espi's family, she is in the back next to her son.

But Espi grew up. She waited for her prince to come. She eventually met a man who she would marry. A man who would not treat her any better. He often went on escapades and adventures, would send some money, but never enough to raise four boys and four girls.  They often went hungry and at times only ate tortillas with salt. During cold nights, coats were used to cover their bodies as they did not have enough blankets to cover them all. Some of her children, including my wife, had to start working at an early age (my wife started working at the age of 13) to bring income to the family. Espi's husband demands never diminished. He often asked to be bathed by her and demanded respect from the children as he himself mistreated them as well.  But Espi had no way out. She had no formal education, no formal work, even though she did work at home cross stitching, washing, ironing people's laundry while still caring for eight children. There were many nights she worried about her kids. Add to all of this, the fact that she suffered from a genetic condition that did not help her. I am not at liberty to discuss what it is for this has affected her self-esteem more than anything. That should say enough.

Crescenciano "Chano" as I met him

In spite of this, Espi sent her eight children to school, educated them by teaching them good manners and raised them.  Almost all of them pursued formal careers, some like my wife who is a nurse, are still active in them.  In the late 80's my wife, the second born, came to the United States seeking the streets where dollars were found (this was literally told to her). To her disappointment, it wasn't as it was told to her. A determined woman as she is (Her story will be told someday as well), she worked hard to bring her mom to the United States. She did, not only her, but all of her siblings who now live here as well. Espi's life has changed. She lives a better life now. It hasn't been easy either and it doesn't end with "she lived happily ever after."  Yet, her story which hasn't been told, something that she would hate to do, has inspired me and taught me so much. Let me share some of those things I admire and continue to learn from her.

Relentless.  She never gave up. There were many sleepless nights for her. Lonely nights. Nights of weeping but she never let go of what she valued: her children and God.  They carried her forward. She also learned how to read and write on her own.

Love.  She loves her children. All of them. I often admire how they show affection to each other even as all of them are now passed their 40's.  They all love their mom as well.

Forgiveness. If anyone has a "right" to be bitter at life or at people it is Espi. Yet, she has never done so. She has a forgiving heart.  I mentioned the time that we went to the town she grew up. Her step-mother was also there. My mother-in-law did not treat her the way she had been treated by her. It blew me away when she actually gave her money.  She forgave her for all her wrong doings. She forgave her husband as well. I have never heard her saying anything that would show her angry or bitter. I know she forgave them.

Selflessness. If there is anyone who has been more caring and giving it is Espi. Even as she is passed her 70's she, as the matriarch of the family, helps her children. It is much more difficult now as many physical ailments that are perhaps the result of her hard life are affecting her (in fact, today she had surgery in her back to fix a pinching cyst that was causing her so much pain).

Thankfulness. She is very thankful to God for how He was watched over her and her children. When she begins to complain, she often corrects herself and realizes that she has more to be thankful than not and that there are those who are less fortunate than her.

Usefulness.   As Espi has aged, and her body fails to be as strong as she was, it keeps her from what she calls being "useful".  She does not value idleness. To be useful is to remain alive for her. And so as she ages, this will be her struggle.

But she can rest assured that she has left a legacy that no one can take from her. Something she has no care for. All she desires is for her children to live successfully and peacefully. She desires a place to call home. A place where she can tender her garden, serve her family and continue to be useful. A place to enjoy what God in his mercy has allowed her to have even if it doesn't end "happily ever after."

Yes, Espi, your story is real not a fairy tale. Yet, paradoxically, it is better than a fairy tale.  It will live in the hearts of your children and those of us who have heard it. You have given us this honor.

A far better place awaits you. I know. Certainly I know!

I needed a father

Today my father died. Even though he abandoned us when we were children he is the man God chose to bring me to life. I have never written about it anywhere but I have always thought about the role of fathers and dads in their children.  I have also done a bit of reading about the role of father's in children's lives. The conclusion is indisputable (see this here and here). Fathers are important in the lives of their children. I guess that given the choice of a not so good father and a father, I would have chosen to have one. It was not granted to me. I do not hold any anger or resentment nor do I judge the man who God chose to grant me life. He is certainly giving account to God now (Hebrews 9:27). I am thankful I live and that God has blessed me with the gift of knowing Him.  It has always been very puzzling and disturbing though, how men can walk away from children they willingly conceive and never turn back. I have yet to understand this.

Growing up without a father was not easy. Living with women (seven and my mom) was not easy. I had no one to look up to. I had no concept what a man should be. I was insecure. I needed a father. Up to the age of 13, I had no male role models, none, not even granddads.  It was when I joined a church at the age of 13 that God put male role models in my life. The two youth leaders and my youth pastor became my role models. They weren't perfect at all, yet God used them to shape me as a man. And yet, I still needed a father.

At the age of 21 I became a father myself. I had studied books and had an idea of what a father should be, yet experience taught me I really wasn't as prepared as I thought I was. I needed a father. I wasn't really good with my hands as well (even now), I was no handyman, I needed a father.

As I look at my 20 year old son and see how much he is like me makes me glad (and the fact he still calls me "Daddy."). Not because I am perfect or because I feel I did so well as a father, but because I know he has a father. He has a role model. He knows what a man should be.  He has a point of reference for the day when he becomes a father himself. Yes, I took my role as a father seriously. It is my duty as a Christian.

Even now after all this time, today, when I heard my father had died, I thought how much I needed him.

I needed a father.

Audio Recordings

For some reason itunes podcasts are not showing all of my audio files. So here are the links for them.

Purposeful Acts of Sacrifice, Mercy, Goodness and Compassion

Characteristics of a true Christian (1 John)- Last part

Characteristics of a true Christian

Older Recordings in Spanish:

My testimony at age 16 (Spanish)

El Cielo Parte 2

El Cielo Parte 1

Tenemos Que Crecer

The Sovereign God of History - Reflecting on 1 Kings

I am reading through the books of Kings in the Bible. I just finished 1 Kings.  This book along with others are considered historical, more precisely dealing with the relationship of Israel (the divided Kingdom, which was a direct result of Salomon turning away from God) and God.  It is easy to read these books as just history (some scholars prefer "theological interpretation of history"). We often read them one time and go on to the next book. But as Christians we understand that God is in control of history.  It is HIS-Story.  We need to learn from them. Yes, it is hard for puny minds like ours to comprehend how God can be in control of such messy history (the book of Kings is no exception, seven kings were assassinated, one was stricken by God, one was led captive and another committed suicide). For many, history, is utterly depressing and leads them to question if God is at all involved in it or if He even exists. I don't know all of the answers, especially in understanding how everything in history has been decreed by God and will ultimately bring Him glory. But there aren't two paths in history: God's path and our path. There aren't any mistakes in God's history and sinful Man is involved but this in no way makes God responsible for the sinfulness of Man. There isn't  plan A and plan B. If Man messes up plans A, then God chooses plan B to fix things (I can't forget this fallacious statement by a pastor concerning choosing a mate!).
God has is in control of all nations. He desires all of them to seek Him:
"From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us." (Act 17:26-27)

Perhaps, reading a book like 1 Kings gives me a glimpse.  Thought the book is primarily how God dealt with His people Israel (both Northern and Southern Kingdoms), it also shows how God was involved orchestrating and using other nations to accomplish His purposes.  Many of the kings in the Northern Kingdom were evil.  The phrase "did evil in the sight of the Lord," repeats often in this book. But God was still in control.

Ultimately this all came down to Jesus being born through the lineage of David (the Southern Kingdom). Read here. Galatians makes it clear that God sent His Son at the right time in history. This was no mistake.

As I have reflected on this book, I've thought of my own life. How much I want to have control. This year has been incredibly tough for me in many areas. My life has added extra pressures and stress. Some are due to my own sinfulness, some are out of my control.  My immediate response is to try to fix it. I want to make things right, which means the way I want them to be.  But as I reflect on this book of the Bible it makes me think that my duty is to do what is right in the eyes of the Lord. He wants my obedience. This still applies to me: "“As for you, if you walk before me faithfully with integrity of heart and uprightness"' (1 Kings 9:4).  He is in control of "my" history. He can raise adversaries (1 Kings 11:23) if I am not obedient but He can also deal with them better than I can. Whatever it is, I am called to obey Him.

Here we are. We try to be our mini gods, controlling our own history. We are certainly not passive in history, but we are not in control of everything. God is. He is the sovereign God of history.

Why I Run and Why I Don't

The title of the post is not a contradiction. I do run, an average of 3.8 miles six days a week. People that know me and don't know me should know why I run and what are the reasons I don't run (wrong reasons for me). Not that it matters to most, but it's now here.

I don't run:

1. To compete. Next Sunday I will run my 4th marathon in Huntington Beach. I am not competing. I don't really train for it. I just decided to run it once and now I run it every year. All I care is that I make it to the end. I guess, I could say that I compete with myself.

2. To show how disciplined I am. I struggle to keep the discipline. Many times I don't want to run, like today that I will run 13 miles. This is why I don't go to the gym (I have a full set of weights I don't use either) or join cross fit or any other sport.  Besides, I don't have time. Running is easy.

3. To prove that I am not old. I don't even think I should say  more.

4. To show that I only care about my body (narcissism) or that it is my foremost priority. Yes, I have been criticized for doing it "too much." I am not trying to impress anyone. I don't even look good when running, I thought I did, until I saw myself in a store window and in a video from the Marathon. My self-perception was ruined. I also have bow legs. There.

Why I run:

1. It's a spiritual exercise. Huh? I know. You think I am a nut. If you want to understand how I started running read the post here. I use running to fellowship with God. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect. My mind wonders too much.  In the Bible running is used as a metaphor for the Christian life (see here and here). We run the Christian life to win (finish) the race.  We will win not because of us, but because Christ will give us the strength to finish it.  I intend to keep running as long as God gives me the physical strength because it is more than just running.

2. It teaches me discipline. Running helps me learn discipline. It helps me understand that in every other area, including spiritual, I need discipline.

3. It keeps my body healthy.  The body I have is not mine. It has been entrusted to me by God. I need to take care of it, and running (in addition to healthy eating habits) is the easiest way for me to care for it.
Someday my body will be transformed and I will not need to run for any reason. Till then (or until I am no longer able), I will run.

Blog in e-Book Form

Found this site. It makes your blog into ebook format. It doesn't make all your posts but it's pretty cool.

Here is the link for my blog.

 

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The Symbolic Use of Numbers - 2012 Gone! 2013 Here!

Numbers have always had meaning for humanity. Ever since creation numbers have had meaning. When God created light He said: "And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day." (Genesis 1:5) It also says: "And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years." (Genesis1:14) Thus God created the sun, the moon and the stars as the keeper of time.

Numbers and time are both created by God and are interrelated. For God time is important even though He has no need for it (The are numbers in the Bible that have significance. The number 7 simbolizes perfection, number 10 completion and 40 fulfillment and judgment, 6 humanness).It is for us that He created it. He does not see time as we see it. We are limited to see anything beyond the present and the past. We can't see the future and yet this is the aspect of time that we most seek to control (thus resolutions and new year). We want to know what the "new" year will bring. We make plans to achieve our goals. There is no guarantee that we will achieve anything or even live to see it realized. But we still do it.

But God sees every aspect of time differently. I am not sure how exactly God sees time but I know he sees all aspects of time at once. This is a debate some argue about in relation to time and eternity.

The important aspect of time is that its end goal (teleologically) is to give God the worth and praise He deserves (doxological). Every choice we make every year, month, day, hour, minute, and second should have this goal in mind. We need to make choices that line up with God's will. Choices that will not only bring us closer to Him but in such communion that nothing else will get in the way. Every act of of our being should bring glory and praise to his name.

“Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different than it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing into a heavenly creature or a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow creatures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is heaven: that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state of the other.” - C.S. Lewis

 

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We don't deserve it! It's grace!

Our little boy likes to say "I don't deserve it," when he gets something like a treat. He started saying this especially when he has had a bad day. At one point he said he didn't deserve to be alive. I reminded him that none of us do. At one time I pointed to Him that we don't deserve to be alive but God in his mercy and grace gives us life. Today when he got a treat he said he didn't deserve it. My older son told him, it's grace, getting what we don't deserve. That's why he was receiving a ginger cookie.

 

After getting another treat in the evening from my wife, he said he didn't deserve it again and I answered him with the usual. His response was "Thank you for grace."

 

Yep, that's exactly right! It's what I say every day. It's what we all should say every day when we wake up.

 

"God, be merciful to me a sinner," we should say like the tax collector in Luke 18:9-14. God showed him mercy. He went home justified (not the one who claimed to be good). Ephesians 2:8 says that we are saved by grace through faith and this is not of ourselves, not a result of our own working out. It is a gift from God.

This reminds me of the chorus of the Hymn Grace Greater Than Our Sin:

Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin.

 

 

 

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