eig's Blog: A Tribute to my friend Mark

I was brought to this country when I was a few months from my eleventh birthday. My mom, a single mother of nine, made the trek with three other of my siblings. After spending a year in Los Angeles, we moved to Orange County. It was there that as a teen of only thirteen years we visited a Spanish speaking Baptist church. I had never attended a Christian church. It was not long after that I joined the youth group which Mark was leading. He was a tall, over six feet tall, White man who was well-educated. He had been in the Navy and was hoping to one day become a missionary. His father-in-law was the pastor of the church and had asked him to help him lead the youth. It was here where my friendship with Mark began. At the outset, I was impressed by him. I grew up with no male figures. My other mentor Jimmy left the church not too long after there to join the Army, thus Mark took his place.

Time has passed and my family and we’ve reconnected with Mariann, Mark’s wife and their oldest daughter. Mark’s oldest helped us find and buy a home where we live now. I wish Mark was here. I am sad that his family is estranged for reasons I don’t know. I know Mark would not approve of this. He would be devastated and would everything possible to make it right. This is not what he wanted for them. Nevertheless, I can’t do anything but pray.Mark was just starting his family and had two of his girls I think and thereafter had a boy and a girl. His wife had a very close relationship with him and was always with him. I sort of became part of the family. Even though our youth was in English, Mark was learning Spanish and often communicated with members of the church even though it was hard for him.

Our youth group at this point was made up of teens of about the same age (it changed later on to be more a young adult group mixed with younger ones). My sisters and others were part of them as well. Mark organized the youth, taught classes, created events and quickly got us to start memorizing Scripture, something he learned from The Navigators while in the Navy. Bunco nights at his house, Sunday night outings to Bob’s Big Boy (I loved their hot fudge cakes) or Norms became the norm. I remember that he would often have a pen in his shirt pocket (which I took on as well) and would draw or illustrate things on napkins as he was sharing with me or others. He would take me home but never without having a chat with me. I soaked everything in. He taught me how to play the guitar and became involved in playing in worship. I remember how I struggled to keep up with him. But I learned. Mark also taught me about being well-organized and also instilled in me the passion of reading, especially biographies. I would often borrow books from him to read them and returned them. My first Mac, a Mac SE was given to me by him and since then, they have been my favorite computers. He loved learning and this was fostered in me as well. Many of the values I now have were in large due to his mentorship.

I got to know Mark and his family. He was a strong man of convictions and had no fear in expressing them to anyone whether this meant liking him or not. He also a family man. There was no doubt he loved his wife and his children and strived to provide for them as best as he could and instruct them as well. He was involved in their lives as they were growing, I observed when he gave them words of correction and admonition. I knew he loved them and would give everything for them. Mark and his family left the church a few years after. I don’t know the exact reasons, but I know that part of it, was that there were differences between him and his father-in-law.

After this we remained in touch. The next chapter where he was involved in my life was when I began to court my wife in March of 1990. This was a difficult time for me and her since we were not regarded as a “compatible” couple even though both of us shared the same faith. We had significant differences, both age and stage of life. This created a huge uproar in my family and some people in the church. Accusations, rude comments in private and public were launched at us to stop us. It was a horrible time, but we survived. It was during this time that I went to see Mark with my bride to be. Because he had played such an important role in my life, I felt he needed to know. I don’t remember our conversation, but I wrote a few sentences in my journal May 24, 1990:

“I talked to Mark yesterday concerning my relationship…He supports our relationship. That’s an encouragement! He prayed for us…That really touches me.”

He also told me that I had to get an engagement ring for her, which I did soon thereafter. Mark and his wife Mariann were part of our wedding and gave us a Bible. My wife used this Bible for a while and is now stored away.

When I graduated from Seminary, Mark was there as well. He gave me a card and wrote a few sentences that are meaningful to me today as I reread them recently: “You guys are one of the few things that make it all worthwhile having been in ministry. Someday you’ll understand.”

I knew what he meant and he was right. Not too long after this I began church planting and became part of a church. Mark became part of the admin staff sometime later. We had brief interactions at times to stay in touch.

There were other social interactions. He and his family came to our kid’s birthday parties. I was recently going through old photos, and it was fun to see his children been part of it. His youngest daughter connected really well with our oldest daughter. I have a picture of both of them hugging. When our son was born and was presented at our church, Mark and his wife were there. I could always trust Mark to be at important events of our lives. For this, I am very grateful.

Time passed and we didn’t see each other often. He moved to New Mexico and then to Oregon. My last interaction with Mark came in 1988 through Facebook. He had recently come back from teaching English in S. Korea. I remember seeing all the pictures of him and his wife in S. Korea. I contacted him and on May 14, 2008, and wrote, “It’s about time you answered.” I don’t have the words he wrote to me since I deleted the Facebook account and only have the archive records. On December 29, 2008, I found out Mark had gone to Heaven after having a hard attack. I wrote this in his youngest daughter’s timeline:

“I have been thinking about him the past two days. I was thinking back the influence he had on me and I was remembering all the good times we had with him when we were young. I am very saddened by the news.”

I also wrote in his timeline on December 29:

“Mark...even to your last days you gave me words of guidance. These last few days I have been telling my son and my wife how you influenced me in my early days as a Christian over 20 years ago. Though imperfect as we all are, God used you to help me become what I am today. Thank you! I only regret not having seen you in person, but I know I will when my time comes. Love, Edgar”

This was my friend, my mentor, my older brother, Mark.

My wife, my son and I went to his funeral in January of 2009.

The other day when I was running is when I thought of writing this longer post. Originally, I was just going to post the card contents but decided to this instead. He deserves this. As I was running, I was thinking of Heaven where Mark is now. I was wondering if God allows his saints there to peek into our lives and even hear us. I am not sure we have a firm answer. But I prayed to God and asked if he could relay my message to Mark, “Thank you Mark for all you did for me!” I am not sure if he got it, but I know that one day we’ll connect again and catch up. Until then, Mark!